Risk Factors and/or Indicators of Possible Parent Alienation:
The following are common aspects of Parent Alienation. The evaluation for possible parent alienation should be carefully conducted by an experienced psychologist. The presence of some of the following may indicate potential or actual parent alienation. The more risk factors present, the more likely alienation is occurring. Parent alienation develops when a previously appropriate, parent-child relationship is transformed into a resistive, resentful, rejecting relationship on the part of the child for the parent. The fully alienated child may offer weak, absurd, or frivolous reasons for his or her anger; expresses certainty regarding his or her judgment for the alienated parent, has no guilt for their rejecting behavior, protects the alienating parent and may assertively claim that he or she came up with the negative parental judgment independently. Rejection and animosity are frequently extended to the relatives and friends of the alienated parent. Alienating parents frequently claim they try to make the child go and the child refuses.
Parent alienation can be effectively treated if the court is willing to provide orders mandating appropriate control of the alienating parent and contact between the child and alienated parent. It may be very helpful to have the assistance of an experienced, possibly court appointed psychologist to assist and direct the process. The successful completion of a parenting course may help the alienating parent modify their alienating behaviors. The maintenance of a controlled, appropriate manner on the part of the alienated parent is essential as anger displays will only worsen the alienation as it gives the alienating parent the opportunity to claim that their false allegations are true. A persistent, never give up mind set is essential as is the assistance of a skilled and experienced attorney in the area of parent alienation. Psychological consults may assist the alienated parent in focusing, and appropriately strategizing. Full cooperation with all court orders is necessary, paying child support and developing an effective parenting plan. The maintenance of records about related alienation events is a good idea. Learning how to avoid being personally devastated by the alienation is essential to maintaining a persistent, appropriate approach. Making certain that you always show up for a visit even if you know the child will not be there is essential.
2. Parent alcohol or drug abuse. A parent having a severe mental disorder.
3. A parent threatens to abduct the children.
4. Children are frequently not returned on time (later than a half-hour).
5. Parental inability to control his or her anger, especially in the children’s presence.
6. Suggestions of sexual, physical, and/or mental abuse. False or unfounded accusations of abuse against the absent parent.
7. A substantial deterioration in a previously positive relationship since the marital separation between a minor child and the now absent or nonresidential parent.
8. Children evidencing fear of displeasing or disagreeing with a parent in regard to the absent parent.
9. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Children beginning to refuse to visit.
10. Disclosing usually negative information to the child about the other parent’s influence on the marital relationship
11. Preventing children from moving their belongings from one parent’s residence to the other. Children frequently want to move their possessions between residences; disregarding their property rights communicates resentment for the other parent.
12. Not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.
13. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems; breaking up the family; changes in lifestyle; or having a girlfriend/boyfriend.
14. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. An alienating parent may schedule the children for so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit.
15. Expressing the belief that a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, and that behavior will probably lead to that parent assaulting the child. This assumption is not always true.
16. Asking children to choose one parent over another parent.
17. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, suspect possible parental alienation. Children typically forgive as well as accept the need for appropriate discipline. When a child calmly says they cannot remember any enjoyable times with you, or says they don’t like anything about you.
18. A parent, stepparent or grandparent encourages the possibility of changing a child's name or suggests an adoption.
19. Very intrusive and controlling grandparents or stepparent. The child rejects the other parent and all his or her relatives including grandparents.
20. When children cannot give reasons for being angry with a parent or if they do give reasons they are very vague without any details.
21. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings.
22. When a parent uses a child to covertly gather information regarding the other parent for that parent's use.
23. Parents setting up tempting alternatives that interfere with the child's visitation.
24. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent.
25. A parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life.
26. When parents physically or psychologically “rescue” the children when there is no threat to their safety.
27. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.
28. Listening in on the children's phone conversation with the other parent.
29. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.